I haven’t blogged here for a while but a recent comment made me think about the last six months and reflect on what has… or hasn’t happened.
In my workplace the bully is still working. He suffers from depression which might explain some of his behaviour.
The new girl who asked me not to intervene lasted out the year and we gave her another job with another team where she is thriving.
I’ve moved on to another job too and now I’m not the direct line manager of the bully - thankfully.
Interestingly that relieved the pressure somewhat.
When questioned the bully told my boss that “it wasn’t personal, it was the position”. Funny. It felt personal to me.
In fact I did go for my previous position but didn’t get it (I got another slightly better job instead) but I wondered if my bosses decision to place me in this new role was in part due to my “relationship” with this bully. Perhaps she thought it was unrepairable?
The workplace is such a hot pot. A stewing mass of emotions hidden under a veneer of productivity.
I wonder if we scratched the surface of all workplaces if we would find the same human response to working in a group of people you don’t necessarily choose?
What’s it like at your workplace?
May 7, 2008
Just found this post on Blogrush and thought I’d share it even though it’s not strictly workplace bullying.
I say solution… I’m not sure Allan would agree it’s a solution, but it is a start.
Have a read…
For what it’s worth - yes I do think that social bookmarking sites like Bebo and Myspace should have anti-bullying forums. Anything to help support parents and teenagers - and others - can only be a good thing.
September 24, 2007
As a manager what do you do when you see someone being bullied. When they tell you their work life is a misery.
If they want you to take action, it’s more straightforward I think. You get both sides of the story, you involve HR. You talk to the bully and get them engaged (somehow) in changing their behaviour. You have performance improvement plans, formal warnings and other “incentives” to see a change.
But what if the employee doesn’t want you to take action? What then?
In my workplace the same bully that intimidates me has collected a coterie of colleagues. There’s his personal assistant - who is completely co-dependant and retreats into his “child” when confronted on anything. There is the woman sitting opposite him - who treads a fine line betweeen being their friend and “keeping in with management” and there’s another personal assistant (to another person) who is starting to “mouth” the sentiments of the bully. These four are often seen going off for coffee together, and are known to socialise outside the office.
Enter my employee, specifically hired to do a project started by the bully. She is hard-working and very good at what she does. From the moment she started she has been excluded by this little coterie. Never invited out to coffee with the group. Only spoken to when she asks a direct question regarding the work - and then in short clipped tones. Asked to leave work areas.
This woman is a mature, highly competant individual. I’m thinking her work excellence has made them feel threatened. It doesn’t help that she’s asked my advice - they see that as “sucking up”.
She doesn’t want me to intervene. She is employed for a short time and just wants to get it done. She also believes in the work she is doing and wants to do a good job because “it’s the right thing to do” and thinks if we intervene her life will become unbearable and the job won’t get done.
So for her - I act as a sounding board. I’ve rewarded her good work on this project with opportunities to extend herself on others (she is just starting in my industry and relishes the chance to learn new things). I don’t know what else to do. I have reported her situation to my boss. I’ve said that this employee does not want her to act on the information but as basic duty of care - I think my boss needs to know.
In the meantime as a manager I am ineffective.
To be honest it started last year when my boss allowed the bully to bypass me to get what he wants. Now he treats me with contempt. That action really has made my position untenable.
And the bottom line is I don’t love my job that much.
But back to my employee - do you have any advice? What can I do to make her work life more satisfying? Given that sacking the bully is not an option I have at the moment… Your help would be appreciated.
September 23, 2007
This week I’ve had a week off, yes my colleague is on leave. But to be fair since my last meeting he has behaved himself.
But his past behaviour impacts on me because I have to set up what I think are rewards for him.
This is part of the carrot approach my boss is trying to put in place alongside the negative feedback sessions she has with him.. She cops his behaviour like I do.
Trips away for work to exotic places just stick in my craw. Yet I do it because the bottom line is I want him to work well for us. I don’t want him to be able to say that I’m not doing my job. Despite that it gives me the irrits.
Plus, I’ve discovered a junior member of his team is also getting bullied. This person has asked me not to intervene but I am nervous. I don’t want this person to leave because of the treatment they get.
In this case the perpetrator and his sidekick deliberately exclude this person which is another form of bullying as we know.
I asked them to give this person positive feedback if they felt they were doing a good job… They agreed this person was doing a good job. There’s been no positive feedback forthcoming.
Since then I learned the attitude from the sidekick was that if they gave positive feedback the person would be complacent and not work as hard!!
Unbelievable!!
September 7, 2007
Potato Chip raised an interesting question in his comment. He (or she) says:
I will leave this line of work because of bullying. I am sad about that because in a short time I have achieved things in the role no one had been able to achieve in 10 years.
How many others have left their workplace or changed their line of work because of bullying in the workplace?
Even though my experience has been relatively mild, I too am considering leaving, at the very least leaving this management position. For me, I just don’t think I care to live my life putting up with this sort of crap.
August 6, 2007
Well apart from some of my colleagues at work who have also had unpleasant exchanges with my colleague… like the one I met today for lunch who has since left the organisation who said “And I thought it was just me!”, I’ve discovered a huge number of sites talking about Workplace Bullying. Please let me know in comments if you know of a good blog or website.
You’ll find a few of them in my links section. Look at these statistics from the Compliance Training Blog in the US:
About 45% of American workers have been the target of workplace abuse. Another study by the Workplace Bullying Institute concluded that:
Perhaps I should say that I am female and my colleague is a very large person with an ego larger even than that. I am my colleague’s superviser but our structure places a lot of power in talented individuals who are not managers, and this person does have talent.
Perhaps they might be emotionally retarded… but they have talent.
August 3, 2007
I was pretty upset with the tone of the first email below and realised that it was doing exactly what it’s author intended - intimidate me into giving my colleague what they wanted.
What I can’t seem to get through to this person is that I am on their side!
Anyway I fretted about it all night and ended up at a position of not allowing myself to be intimidated. I carefully structured the meeting and spoke to my boss beforehand to let her know that I wanted to run the meeting and not hide behind her - although I was pleased to have her there. I also discussed the format of the meeting.
The structure was that I outlined why I’d called the meeting, what I wanted the outcome to be - a consensus - and I even complimented my colleague on inviting my boss (whom I’d already asked to come along) so we were all on the same page.
I opened the discussion by inviting my colleague to tell us what they wanted… and then asked if anything had changed from initial meetings where something else had been decided but was not being followed up on.
I kept the meeting on task and summed up in the end with action points which I summarised in an email following the meeting.
To be honest I was quite proud of myself that a) we managed to reach a consensus and b) I didn’t cry.
After that meeting my boss took my colleague to task about the emails.
My colleague didn’t recognise that the words and tone used could be considered threatening or intimidating (let alone rude). She says my colleague has no idea of the impact of those emails. She told my colleague that if it happened again, to anyone, my colleague would be put on a first warning.
Personally I thought THAT should have been the first warning, after all, this person has also verbally abused my predecessor and my counterpart. However, I’m happy that she has taken my colleague to task at all.
I confess to being a bit naughty though. During her chat with my colleague an issue was raised that I wasn’t doing enough on a certain project. A project, I might point out, that I knew only vaguely about. So I sent off an email requesting a quick catch-up to see where they are up to on it. After all, I need to know where to start from… 
Yes, I know I’m fanning the flames but lets just see if the temper can be controlled… and fuck it. I’m NOT going to be controlled by the whinging and undermining of a very nasty individual, no matter what talent they brings to the organisation.
The worm has turned.
August 3, 2007
I thought I’d share with you the emails that upset me so much. Compared to others they probably seem quite pathetic. I am the correspondent’s line manager.
Hi Boss* we have yet another micro management meeting with Anonatwork scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9. I suspect the shit is going to hit the fan in a rather large-ish way, you might want to be there.
*our boss’s first name was used here.
A couple of weeks before this person sent this email after I sent them an invitation:
NO…have you checked out my workload recently? Have you sorted out the website DESPITE plenty of notice? Are you at work during an important period? Are WE serious? Are you applying for the Management job? I sincerely hope NOT. Please reply before I forward my correspodence to Melbourne!
So yes. I am intimidated and hurt that this person would respond in such a way.
I’ll tell you how the meeting went shortly.
August 3, 2007
Have you been flamed?
I’ve received two emails in the last fortnight that would fall into this category. Abusive, threatening and designed to intimidate.
I consider myself to be a fairly level-headed person and I know that not everyone can like you, but I find these emails to be upsetting. They are, as the saying goes, spoiling my time in the house.
It is also very difficult to confront the person who is sending them. They work. I am intimidated. And that is quite confronting for me to own. That is not to say I haven’t taken some action. I have forwarded the emails on to my boss and she has spoken to the person involved, who in fact I do like, most of the time.
It makes me think… if I feel so affected by just two emails, how on earth do people cope with sustained abuse? For the first time, I have an inkling how hard it is for women to walk away from abusive relationships. For kids to stand up to schoolyard bullies.
For now, I am focussing on not letting this intimidation affect the decisions I make. My feeling is if I do, then I am rewarding this bad behaviour. Is it enough action? I don’t know. It becomes a very personal decision and I don’t want to be “rescued” by well meaning others. If it continues, I guess I’ll have to look again at my options.
And I thought I’d left school!
August 3, 2007
